I saw somewhere, ‘A Job Description for Mothers’:
1. This is a permanent job.
2. The successful applicant must be prepared to work hard.
3. The workplace is often a challenging and chaotic environment.
4. Applicants must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
5. Extensive chauffeuring duties also required, but your travel expenses will not usually be reimbursed.
6. Some overnight travel will be required, including trips to camping sites on rainy weekends, and countless sports tournaments in faraway places.
7. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
8. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
9. Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are genuine, and not just someone crying wolf or playing.
10. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
11. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
12. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
13. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
14. HEALTH AND SAFETY: Must be able to handle the assembly and product safety testing of hundreds of toys and battery operated devices.
15. ATTITUDE AND DEMEANOR: Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
16. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance, laundering and janitorial work throughout the place of employment.
17. PROMOTION PROSPECTS: None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
18. PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, because no other form of employment is totally relevant, but on-the-job in-service training is offered on a continually exhausting basis.
19. WAGES AND BONUSES: None; job satisfaction is what you hopefully receive.
20. OUTLAYS: You pay every bill for your child at least until he/she turns 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The strangest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you should enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
21. BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no bonuses are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
22. TENURE: For the rest of your life.
Obviously some ‘tongue in cheek’ is contained here, but I am sure many mothers here will relate to some, if not all of it. Being a mother can be a thankless and undervalued job. To be sure, being a mother is seldom full of glamour and glitz. From the moment we enter this world we are busy testing our mother’s patience and stretching her limits of endurance. Let’s face it...without our Moms, we'd be a disaster! When you scraped your knee, had a rough day at school, or needed advice, she was always there to give you a hug and listen with love. So, let’s honor our moms and show them our thanks for doing the toughest job in the world. We all have been blessed because they did.
I recall a story about four preachers discussing the merits of the various translations of the Bible. One liked the King James Version best because of its simple, beautiful English. Another liked the American Revised Version best because it was closer to the original Hebrew and Greek. Still another liked a contemporary version because of its up-to-date vocabulary. The fourth minister was silent for a moment then said, “I like my mother’s translation best.” Surprised, the other three men said they didn’t know his mother had translated the Bible. “Yes,” he replied. “She translated it into life, and it was the most convincing translation I ever saw.”
~ Dr. Bob